Dating in the 21st century is difficult. Nobody’s denying that, least of all us. We used to be able to rely on meeting someone in a nightclub or a bar when we were looking for a partner, and when that didn’t work, we could ask our friends to put us in touch with one of their other single friends. Nowadays, the very concept of going on a blind date seems weird, and we’re all expected to somehow find love by flicking through our phone instead.
We’d be hard pushed not to say that mobile dating apps haven’t taken some of the mystery and romance out of dating. Through extended text conversations, we hear (and in some cases see) everything we could want to know about a potential date long before we meet them in person. Dating apps have rendered the whole dating process a long, frustrating game of online slots. The processes are so similar it’s like they were designed that way. You swipe to match a date in the same way you press to spin the reels at an online slots website, and if you don’t like what you get from the swipe or push, you try again repeatedly. Unless you’re lucky enough to be a winner, you quickly fall out of love with the whole process. With Online Slots UK, that happens when you run out of money. With dating apps, it happens when you run out of patience.
The tone of this article has been very ‘doom and gloom’ so far, so let’s change our focus. Instead of lamenting the problems with the modern dating scene, let’s look at positive changes we can make to improve our chances of meeting a genuine partner rather than just another hookup. If you’re looking for a lasting love this year, these are the four changes you need to make to the way you approach dates.
Cut Out The Ex Chat
One of the first things that two single people talk about on a first date is why they’re both single. That’s inevitable, and there’s nothing wrong with having that conversation so long as it’s brief. You should explain why your last relationship came to an end. You should not explain the entire history of your relationship with your ex-partner. Spending a significant amount of time on a date talking about an ex universally recognized as a sign that you’re not ready to move on. Keep the conversation short, and emphasize that you’re more interested in the future than the past. You can share the full details of your history when you know each other better.
Switch Your Phone Off
We’re all very busy. We all get work emails out of hours. There are WhatsApp group chats going on, and Facebook Messenger conversations happening, and the fear of missing out on an important piece of information is very real. Obsessively checking your phone every five minutes is a classic symptom of FOMO, and if you keep catching yourself doing it, you should check out some advice on how to stop. Nothing tells your date you’re not interested in them like repeatedly pausing the conversation to look at your phone. It’s the equivalent of telling them that people who aren’t in the room with you are a lot more important than the person who is in the room. That isn’t a great way to build toward intimacy, and your date might take it as a cue that you don’t value what they have to say. If you switch your phone off – and make a point of confirming that you’ve switched your phone off – you’re telling your date that the next hour or so is all about them.
Always Have First Dates In Public
On some level, we’re all afraid that the person we’ve been chatting to on a dating app for the past two weeks might actually be an ax murderer. The chances of that being the case are very low, and so it’s an irrational fear, but we were all told not to speak to strangers when we were young, and now we’re all doing it on the internet. You might want nothing more than to spend some ‘alone time’ with your date as soon as you see them, and they might be interested in that just as much as you are, but don’t start the date there. Agree to meet somewhere public, where people can see you together, and therefore you can be witnessed. This tells your date that you want them to feel safe around you and that being seen out with them isn’t an issue for you. That’s two positive points from a psychological perspective.
Speak On The Phone First
You should never ask someone out for a date by text message. It’s impersonal, and it might even be seen as cowardly. As your relationship progresses through text messages, it should reach a point where you exchange telephone numbers. From that point on, talk on the phone more than you do by text, and arrange your first date via a telephone conversation. You can learn a lot about someone from the sound of their voice, their tone, and the words that they choose. Phone conversations are more intimate than text conversations, and they can bond people together even before a first date has taken place. If you value someone and you want to spend more time with them, demonstrate that value by having the courtesy to invite them to a date using your mouth, not your fingers. Some of us are shy of making personal phone calls these days, but those that do tend to enjoy a better quality of date than those who don’t.
Nobody who is reading this article right now should find any of the above advice difficult to follow. It might take a little courage to have phone conversations rather than sending glib messages, but fortune favors the brave. At their core, all four of these tips are about respect and courtesy, and no matter how many years have gone by, respect and courtesy are very attractive qualities in a potential partner. Make the necessary changes to your dating strategy and go forth with confidence!