Relationships can be like rollercoasters. Even the best have their ups and downs. If you and your partner are struggling in your relationship, it could be totally normal. The great news is that if both partners want to fix their problems, there’s always hope for getting back on track and climbing back to the top of a fantastic relationship. For ways to get through a rough spot in your relationship including couples counseling, read on.
Identifying the Shared Dream
If you’ve ever been to couple’s therapy, you likely already know about the shared dream and relationship dances. Counselors who offer couples therapy may have explained that all relationships have dances. The same way a couple would tango or waltz together with one person leading and the other following or trip over each other grappling to lead, we all have ways of communicating. These patterns of communication can be the best tool for understanding the ups and downs of any relationship.
If you’re going through a rough patch and haven’t yet, it might be a good idea to seek counseling with a couples therapist or even individual therapy through a trained family therapist to understand your communication patterns and relationship dance. A good couples therapist will be able to help you and your partner to get back on track in helping you to identify your shared dream. They’ll work with you on expectations, how to compromise on your dance, and even ask what’s known as the miracle question as a therapeutic technique to help you feel more connected. A great way to return your relationship to a good place, couples therapy will teach you about ways to live your own life without neglecting your relationship.
Learning to Mirror and Communicate
A couples therapist can teach you and your partner to become more active listeners. By being an active listener through a process called mirroring, you and your partner will be in a better place to create a bond of intimacy in your romantic relationship. All human beings crave the desire to feel understood. Mirroring and other communication tools are a great way to help the person you love feel less alone.
Maybe you and your partner have been busy working on a home renovation and have gotten off track bickering about how to capture stunning home transformations or how to rearrange the living room. Something as simple as seeing a counselor could help you not only capture that shared vision but also get closer through the process. Whether it’s a mobile home renovation or disagreements about how to work with a builder, a family therapist would be able to help you and your partner work together as a team through anything causing stress in the relationship.
Date Nights and Making an Effort
Even with a therapist and their use of the Gottman Method to help you realign with your partner, a happy relationship means effort by both people. Mutual attraction matters, too.
For many couples in a long-term relationship, it gets easy to take a partner for granted and slip when it comes to appearance. If you and your partner are having relationship issues around the bedroom, now might be a great time to look into beauty aids like lush lashes or a new beard trimmer. As trite as it may seem, simple changes like a new sexy outfit, putting on make-up once a week, and having date nights or buying her flowers can add up to a partner feeling valued and seen.
At the end of the day, it takes two people to make a relationship work. Both partners need to have the shared goal of making it through natural rough patches that will come up. If you and your partner are struggling and want to move forward, consider seeing a couple’s therapist, learn your relationship dance and how to communicate around it, and make an effort to spend quality time together.